Philosophising

Was thinking. I think too much at times. This time, it was about how you can’t go back in time. No idea where my head is at times, but I’m going with it today. And when they do (in films) they have to be sure and not change the least little thing because then their own ‘timeline’ would surely change and they might not even be born… so then they wouldn’t even be there changing things at all, anyway and… well, it gets complicated. So okay, no trips back in time for me, but I carried on thinking. Not always best.

So I was thinking, if I choose to take this road, instead of that, am I forever changing the course of… well… history? It’s enough to paralyse you when you think about it too much - as I am currently doing. I just want to get it off my chest though, so I’m writing it down.

If what I do, or you do, or anybody does, maps out how anything, anywhere, ever, turns out… then what is the point of doing… anything? Ever? Where or when, ever? How do you know it’s not the ‘wrong’ thing? What constitutes ‘wrong’ if it eventually leads to a ‘right’ outcome. Which is possible! And on those occasions when you are consciously faced with a choice, how the hell do you make a decision when it might well have... consequences! Perhaps not right now, but further 'down the line'. 

It was a song that got me thinking about this. About moving a pebble in a stream, which changes the way the water runs. I’m rather extrapolating, but maybe it sends it down another path altogether, ending up crashing down over a precipice as a waterfall and picks up pace, flooding through a town - killing many and destroying livelihoods. Or does it just run in a different direction, quietly to the sea… which crashes on a beach, miles up the coast, throwing a boat onto the rocks as it does so. All from one little stone being moved. There’s something too, about butterfly wings causing a stir in the air… which becomes a wind with other butterflies’ wings, which is a storm, then a hurricane… should we flatten every butterfly we see to prevent those hurricanes? I’m going to say, no.

Still, Hitler’s mum didn’t take that job in the greengrocer’s so never met his father, so he was never born and… you see where I’m going with this (I have no idea whether his mother worked in a greengrocer's, I’m just saying… )

None of us, apparently, would even be here, if A hadn’t happened, which led to B and then C… etc. Hmm. Does it stop at Z? Honestly, it’s paralysing.

I don’t want to analyse my own ABC, in case anything particularly obvious sticks out. You (me) then start wondering if you took a wrong turn somewhere. Did you choose correctly that time? Were there choices? I don’t actually remember any. There are always choices, what am I saying! I realise, thinking on it, I have never been good at making choices...not even the least of them. Of course, I do, we all do, every day, but when faced with making a choice and you give me several to choose from... not my forte, have to say. 

Life choices, well we all make them too. I'm happy with mine. I am. But don't start me thinking (as I'm doing right now!) about how, if I'd done this, that time, instead of that... see, you try it! I keep coming out at the same end result though - even if I'd done that, I'd still end up... how bizarre! Because right here, right now, is where I want to be, so... is that how it works?

Was my stone moved by someone else, and would things have been worse if it hadn’t been? Or better? Why does life work out great for me and not for… I don’t know… someone that lived just two doors away from me as a child? How does that work? Did they make wrong choices? Is going down this street instead of that actually a choice, though? Is fate a thing? Paralysing! Honestly!

I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I think maybe it’s just a bit of a brain fart. Needed out. I worry about me sometimes, the stuff that goes on in there. I have the most mental dreams too. Have they ever figured out what dreams are? It’s the ones that look real, plausible, not too crazy, but that are filled with people I have never seen before and yet are familiar. Those are scary. What are they about? Why would my mind make them up? To what end?

I’m thinkin’ someone moved a pebble in my stream!