When our Em' was small, the night before her 4th birthday she had a wee pet lip and upon further investigation we heard that she 'felt so sorry for her three' (NL = 'ik vind het zielig voor mijn drie'). This cute little thought has stuck over the years - at least in my head - and I tend to repeat it the night before every birthday or anniversary relative to myself, my man and our two girls ...and now their families. Daft I know but it's bloody cute, you have to admit. Emma's own wee darlin' will have to come up with his own little phrase in only 3 months time when he turns four. I feel so sorry for his three!
Today I've already said 'I feel so sorry for my 41'... as tomorrow is our 42nd wedding anniversary. No mean feat, and I do feel sorry for all those years that are now gone... not least because there sure ain't another 42 to go! Of course I'm happy to enter our 43rd year (47 or even 48 or 49 depending on if you add on our prior friendship!) - as happy as Emma was to celebrate her 4th birthday (big school!). Quite how an almost 4 year old came up with that we'll never know but it really does give pause for thought. None of your 'happy to turn xx...' ... think about being sorry for all that has passed... it's a quicker period of contemplation when you do it annually but the older years, further back, always tend to creep in anyway when you're reminiscing. I don't mean regrets, it's not that at all. Just that it has passed and can now only be a memory... good and/or bad.
I'll be saying 'I feel sorry for my 60' in a few months... where the hell did that go? I never used to understand it when 'older' folks said about time rushing by the older you get. Well now I'm older (aka 'old'!) and I know just exactly what they meant. How can my kids already be way older than I was when... (fill in the gap)? How can we be those old folks already that we spoke of turning into 30 years ago? ('eeww, I'm going to have to sleep with an old man!') Thon old chestnut 'You're only as old as (the woman) you feel' is no longer suitably comical to my man hahaha...
Getting old sucks but yes, it's a privilege denied many so aye, I'm grateful and do intend sticking around for a long while yet (aiming for my telegramme from somebody!). But it's all so arbitrary. Our (UK) generation is the first to have grown old and never to have closely experienced war, which tends to wipe out young folks before their time (not counting the Falklands as I wasn't in the UK then already, nor for other 'conflicts' that are not all out war). Although folks do generally live longer, healthier lives, everyone dies eventually, which I thoroughly object to! It's those dying 'before their time' that just isn't right in my eyes - for whatever reason, whatever cause.
This whole 'I feel sorry for my xx' gets more intense as I grow older because, while it was comical all those years ago, it gets ever more serious, the older we all get. I do feel sorry it's all gone! I don't exactly want to be 25 again (nononono) but this getting old shit sucks big time. And 60 was a real milestone. 50 I could just about handle, then the next 10 years flew by... flew I tell you!... and then you're literally written off, by society in general. Which I refuse to comply with but still... it's a fact!
I'm not depressed about it at all, it's not that. It's just that to have finally reached an age where I feel big and ugly enough to open my gob now and then, nobody wants to bloody hear what I have to say. Of course there are older people than I am, in authority, way more clever and very much listened to but, bottom line?... they're still old!... and I have to stop myself feeling 'sorry for their xx'.
So anyway... enough blethers... we're off out for a celebratory lunch tomorrow to cheer on year no. 43. And many more!
