Positive

I have to be more positive.

All this Covid shite - it’s hard to see the good side to that, though. There isn’t a good side to that!

Mind you, there are nice little news items of people helping people. Selflessly like. Of course, there are nice things out there, uplifting stuff. Just need to be more open to it. All the clapping for nurses is long gone I noticed.

Never realised this vibe of negativity before. That’s not me. I’m a wee ray o’ sunshine, me! Am I not?

Apparently not. Well, that’s depressing! I don’t want to be contributing to anyone else’s ‘hard times’ so… have to think. Have to just be more positive. Now that I’m confronting myself with this, it turns out to be harder than I’ve ever imagined it to be. I’m a ‘glass half full’ kind of gal, me. I am!

I’m the one always looking for the bright side to things. Excusing really bad actions by… whoever… strangers even, as ‘must be a reason for them doing that’.

I’m the one who doesn’t get immediately mad at slights or put-downs as ‘not meant that way’… I’m always looking for the positives. I’m not cynical at all. Am I? Have I become so?

Maybe it’s an age thing? Accounting for all the grumpy old folks out there hah! Maybe even the happiest person gets cut down with the mounting pile of pure badness in the world, the longer they live?

Wait though, this is not being positive, this is looking for crap stuff and reasons for miserableness.  Okay. Right. Positive. Think fairies and unicorns and rainbows and wee baby toes and cute grandkids and Christmas coming and ‘next year will be good' and… sure, even the news does the ‘happy last item’ to cheer folks up after half an hour or so of gloom and doom. 

Right. It’s autumn, the place is looking lovely with the sun shining down today, leaves turning all shades of gorgeous and (dead hedgehogs aside) that should be enough to cheer anyone up. Even if you’re sick… with the Covid. Or if you’re stuck in hospital having just broken a hip, like the old neighbour, or… no, going wrong again.

This is hard! Positive, positive. Count my blessings, sure. That helps. There are many, I do know it. I’m still in love, know I’m loved, have a lovely family all round, all healthy, all doing well. Fabulous grandkids, can’t see some because of Covid… but no, not that… all doing great at school. We’re in good health, sun is shining… damn, said that already. Covid, Covid, Covid is all I keep returning to right now.

Seriously, it taints everything. Instead of ‘can’t travel yet’, maybe I should say, ‘we’ll be able to travel soon’? See the wee spin I put on that? Is that not just trying to fool myself though? No, no, I’m just bucking myself up. I’ll need to watch that though, can’t be going around with blinkers to the shit-storm that is the world right now. Or maybe I should think of that as ‘a world in crisis which is on the way to being a better place for all!’ There you go!

See, I can do it. I honestly think this is quite new for me, this ‘sounding negative’ but do think it’s also to do with waking up, somewhat. Finally waking up to the fact… fact!... that not everyone is a nice person, even if you do try to believe it until stamped-on-your-face-proven. I think, too, that I blame the Big Orange Creep that troubled the world for far too long recently. And his Blow Job of a counterpart this side of the Atlantic. We’ve all been bombarded with their horribleness for so long it’s a wonder the world still exists at all. If they’re not the epitome of negativity and all things worrisome… well…

Goodness, that went downhill again, fast. I’m almost thinking that the most positive I can come up with is ‘I’m trying to be positive’! I will keep at it. Underneath, deep inside, I’m a positive person. Honestly. I’m thinking too, that maybe people notice it more when I’m negative (sounding) because they don’t expect it from me? Others get away with it more because it’s the way they’ve always been? My theory. All this reminds me about the likes of Robin Williams… now there’s a case in point. Comedians - spend their lives making people laugh and it turns out they’re themselves constantly deeply depressed. Did they use their humour to pull themselves through the day, or what?

I’m not depressed, not at all… wee tad despondent at various times, sure… I want to travel! I know I’m not alone there though. Especially now, we’re all in the same boat… oh don’t start me on refugees in boats. Positive, positive.

Lots of lovely people help refugees. Including the guy on trial right now, in Greece, accused of people-trafficking while only trying to help (I’m convinced!). Sure he will be vindicated. Yes, I’m sure. See I can do it. Just don’t think of why he even felt the need to go help anyway. Nope, not thinking of it.

I don’t want to just not think of things though. If everyone just shut their eyes to realities in the world where would that take us all? Bad things would happen for sure. We have folks on the ball though, right? Folks that will oh… make new vaccinations available, invent things to help the world survive climate impact, cure cancer finally... all of that. And I know the world will return to normal soon. Even if it’s a ‘new normal’. A liveable, happy, shiny world where truth and kindness prevails. We’re heading there right now. I just know we are.

I’m finishing this little essay on positivity here, on a high note, before it turns again. No, that’s not negative, shoosh you.

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Addendum... not helpful, having composed this, you get a wee cartoony face at the bottom, advising you 'how your text may sound to readers'... and it's a screamy one, head all turned blue. I may just give up.

Swimmety swim swim

I’ve been and gone and done it. I’ve signed up. No getting out of it now, the monies are deducted and I’m tied to this for… months, years? When will I learn?

But no, be positive, it’s a good thing. Knowing me, if I don’t ‘sign up’, it just never will happen. This is good, this is clever, this is going to be fun.

Trying to put a positive swing on it, I rummage around in my shelves to dig out the long-hidden swimming costume. So much has not even been possible this last long while (Covid restrictions) that it hasn’t seen the light of day in ages and I’m just hoping there’s exponentially more elastic in the thing than it was probably manufactured to have. Because let’s face it, my skin has had to be… erm… elastic - ‘this last long while’ too.

It’s why I’m doing this. That, and the still-not-certain wedding coming up. I’ve tried the obvious, like ‘eat less and move more'. Turns out, you need to actually eat less and move more for any kind of difference to be made! Who knew! I’ve tried the ‘avoid eating xx’ and the ‘use this supplement (x23)’ and I even took to walking (slightly) more, but, surprise, surprise… all to no avail. The only consolation has been that my wrinkles are all puffed out so I, obvs, look younger. Fatter, but younger. Bit of a ‘you scratch my back…’ situation going on there. It’s not all doom and gloom.

So, the cozzy. Hmm. Best not to look in the mirror with the lights actually on, but it’s not too bad. Shorts to cover the worst of the ills, baggy top that, if I stand THIS way, hides those bits… hmm. Will do. It's called a two-piece, while not actually a bikini... oh, a tankini, that's it... I'm just a bit miffed at that though... who are they calling a tank?!

Anyway, we went. Fun ensued just trying to open the locker via the onboard computer (!) and I paid double for it somehow. Why you need to be tech-savvy to use a bloody pool locker is beyond me (as was how to punch in the necessary code) but with a wee smile at the guy, he fixed it for us. Between the closing and opening of said locker, we had a wee swim, a looong languish, blethering in the Jacuzzi, and another wee swim. A cuppa in the canteen ensued, once I’d found her, after sitting waiting on her for ages (I left by one door, she left by another). Next time we will be taking an actual class with exercises in the water. We might resort to ‘our relaxed method’ after trying that, but we’ll see. The idea is to move more… more than we probably did on our own.

I’ll let you know when the difference shows. I rather like the swimming pool job as you don’t get all sweaty and exhausted with it all, but I do hate getting dry in those little cubicles. There’s always a used plaster on the floor or hairs lying about and I never do get properly dry before getting dressed. Still, it’s at least doing something and it’s not expensive. Even I know there will be no miracle transformations happening any time soon, but nobody can say I’m not trying to look after myself.