Blessed are the...

             Coming out of the shower after sleeping late this morning (not a rare thing) it occurred to me once again… how blessed, how spoiled I am. I know it. Of course it’s nothing new. Of course it’s not always apparent (we all have bad days), but over all, I do know just how 'lucky' I am. I truly do. Top to toe… le’ssee now.

I’m grey and have ‘embraced’ it for years already. Dyeing it was just stupid and the dark hair did not suit me any more, no, no and no. I like it short too… sometimes too short I’m told, but can’t abide a quiff. I don’t have dandruff or other scalp conditions.

I don’t need glasses any more to see long-distance (strange but true), but using the magnifying mirror scares the shit out of me these days so I try to pluck ‘extra curricular’ hairs without it. I’ve noticed too when reading in bed with my reading glasses (still necessary)... omg, the wrinkles in my arms! When did that happen?! It’s only to be expected though, I am but a sneeze away from being seventy years old. The proverbial three score and ten! I’m doing pretty damned good though!

Ears… well they’re a bogey of course. Deaf as a deaf thing! But my implant and hearing aids work great and it’s sometimes nice to not hear a thing… there are definitely advantages at times.

Teeth, well they just recently cost me a fortune to finally sort out but are all my own apart from one implant and three crowns, plus a few fillings.

I have a bit of a turkey neck affair going on, but again, I’m almost seventy. I don’t have to like it, but I’m not depressed about it. I’m wondering if the boobs were ever ‘perky’? But they’re still okay, seen way worse. The belly… well, that has long been a bone of contention in this house and my worst ‘feature’ (barring fingernails) but if I care to work at it, I can lose it a bit (witness, ‘the wedding’). It’s just… I’m seventy! Such a faff.

Hips, knees, shoulders, elbows, ankles… some wear and tear, nothing desperate. I can still walk just fine despite a bit of pain in one knee from a recent fall and we regularly walk many kilometres (him more’n me - I don't do daily). Bit of an achy hip sometimes if I lie too long. I can’t quite do the ‘rise from crossed legs on the floor’ trick, but I could get there with practice, I think. Arms still go way above my head. (freaks me out that others as old, cannot). Upper arms have long displayed batwing affairs, but ach. Ankles, are supple and fairly strong although I don’t jump ditches often enough to test ‘em out. Spine could be worse but could be better. It’s not that long since I climbed a fence though - managed that fine. Lower back pain at times, nothing major.

No varicose veins in the legs. Knees are decidedly wrinkly, but legs still look okay if I wear tights even if I do say so myself. Feet are great too… no bunions, no corns or verucas, minimal callous, not flat, not too high an arch, straight toes. Toenails intermittently a disgrace (fingernails intermittently nice to see!) but generally reasonable with no horse’s hoof horrors going on.

Skin, worth donating if I die suddenly, put it that way. Generally pretty good and only as wrinkled as it should be, where expected. Only operations I’ve had are tear ducts, carpal tunnel and my cochlear implant. No organs involved and minimal (read ‘no’) scarring

Internally, I’m grand. Lungs clear (despite the coughing and throat clearing - been checked). Heart too. Bladder gives me gyp at regular overactive intervals, but manageable (if miserable when on the go). Innards are generally grand - I’m as windy as the next person (disputably) and satisfactorily ‘regular’ thank you very much. Long past the menopause, which wasn't plain sailing, but nothing really dreadful). I’m a supporter of the ‘use it or lose it’ brigade so do alright on that score too.

My BP is normal for my age group so don’t need tablets for that and I’m not on statins or ‘water’ tablets or indeed any meds at all. I take supplements of varying effectiveness, when I remember.

Generally, I’m slightly overweight, at the top end of the BMI scale so, room for improvement, but nothing dreadful. Call me obese and you’re dead! Memory is shot, have to admit, but I’m not demented yet and the brain seems to be agile enough… who are you? 😉

I live a mostly unstressed, comfortable life, enriched (very) regularly these days of retirement, with travelling, home and abroad, with no huge money worries and in our own unmortgaged home. My husband is attentive, kind, infuriating (probably the only time my BP goes up), helpful and a great laugh on best days. I neither shop, nor cook because it’s all taken care of for me, by him. All travelling is also arranged for me, I only have to pack. I’m ruined! But I’m thinking, this care also contributes to my health and wellbeing! I understand this and appreciate it.

See when you list it all? Man… you should be so lucky!

The bedroom blinds

 I feel like I’ve mentioned my bedroom blinds before. I think I have, yeah. 

Anyway, let’s talk stupid fuckin blinds.

They weren’t always stupid; they were rather snazzy. SoTA even! Concertina folded, ziggzaggy affairs, showing white from outside, dark blue from inside. Pull from top down or bottom up. Hang in the middle? Why, yes, they do! Great stuff!

Until the strings broke, way too soon to be replacing the whole thing, one after the other. First hanging lopsided, then another breaks and the wonkiness is evened out, but can no longer be lowered top to bottom. But, aha! they can still be raised, bottom to top and left hanging halfway up instead of halfway down! Sorted. No one need ever know there is a problem.

Now, some might say, ‘so have them restrung’. Yes, yes, I couldn’t agree more (I’m the one who says that so, I can only agree). ‘Others’ say, ‘they’ll do for now, look, still work’ and ‘nobody restrings blinds!’ (which is moot, to be fair - and if they don’t, why don’t they?)

To be fair too, they do still work. To a certain extent. 

Just not enough for me to ever touch the feckers because I’ve been there before and I no longer play that game. I just leave the Grand Old Duke to sort them up when they’re up and down when they’re down.

The story is… it’s me!

Small chip showing there? Plate’s fine, will last forever… until I touch the fecker. Smashes to smithers when I use it.

Book spine a bit loose? Been like that for yonks, will last forever… until I decide to read it.

Door handle jiggly? Never been a (real) problem, will last forever… until I’m left with it in my hand.

A door key only breaks *in* the lock when it’s mine… you get the picture.

So I have avoided lifting or closing the blinds. Has been years now. He has to do it, I just refuse. I will not be responsible.

Then, a week or so ago, another string broke. It was only the day before that he’d moaned ‘you could do the blinds once in a while, you know!’ and I’d reiterated the reason for my aversion to going anywhere near them. So I kind of dodged a bullet there as it was obviously the proverbial ‘accident waiting to happen’. Of course, all hell broke loose as the bloody thing just would not raise (or lower, I forget which, probably both). I hadn’t been near so it couldn’t even be ascribed to my proximity (also said at regular intervals! I almost believe my ‘aura’ is plain destructive).

Oh, how I laughed, watching him wrestle with the thing. Was hysterical. Did not make me popular at all, having genuine joy at proof positive it isn’t just me. He still had the 2^nd blind on the other window to do but it remained untouched for at least 24 hours as he fumed about being laughed at about his magic touch letting him down. I probably overplayed my hand, but it had been a while coming, so I was enjoying myself.

Somehow, he managed to get things working again (marginally, lopsidedly) and ‘we’ persevere with the raggedy things, strings flapping. I still don’t go near them and merely await the day that no amount of fixing, tying and jerking at the strings enables movement in any direction, at which time we’ll surely get the finger out and buy new ones. Finally. 

I will be enquiring about restringing first though, just so I know (I’m bloody sure you can but perhaps costs are prohibitive, I’m not completely daft) and we might go for something entirely different next time. 

Like bricking up the windows!

Travels with Jimmy (part 2)

2024 has been another year of lots of travel. And very nice too, thank you very much, don’t mind if I do.

It’s another ‘big’ year (any excuse) as it is 45 years since we emigrated to the Netherlands (J in April, me and the girls in September), and in December, I turn 70. So, plans have been made! 

We decided to avoid as much of winter as we could and J found us (and convinced me to go for it) a great wee place in the Algarve, Portugal, for two months - Albufeira for February and March, plus the 1^st week in April. Well, that was a great success! We were soon researching different accommodation for 2025 and are now booked for *3* months next year in a lovely little studio apartment. Great stuff. It was just lovely being out and about every day, meeting new folks and seeing new places. Never been on so many beaches in my life and we both loved it. Never wore a jacket the whole time. Barely cooked, we could eat out so cheaply (and travel cheaply too, pensioners that we are). We visited Faro, Quarteira and Portimao (Plaia da rocha) plus Olhos d'Agua and spent our last week in Lagos.

One week after we got home, I was off to see Emma and the boys in Scotland (Larkhall) for a mid-week. A sorely needed burst of big and little kids.

28^th of May we were off to the Costa Blanca in Spain - Benidorm. The idea had been to join L&A but it had all been looking too expensive so we had already decided not to… then he saw a good deal and booked it before realizing it was the wrong dates to be meeting up with them! We left two days before they got there, haha. Anyway, it was a fun week and we will definitely be going back (and coordinate things better next time). We also visited Altea and Font de Algar.

Then it was June, and I had (just me) another full week in Scotland - Larkhall at T’s invite so I wouldn’t miss F’s rather good orchestra concert with his saxophone, oor wee star. Also visited Edinburgh to see family on both sides, and L&A!

I was only three days back from there and we zoomed off to Tenerife in Spain again for ten days, end June to 1^st week of July. The north of the island this time, Puerto de la Cruz. The plan had been to visit the south of the island on day trip(s) but it turned out to be at least 2 hours there and 2 hours back on 2 different buses, so we didn’t bother. Boat trips also all leave from the south so those were out too. We had a really lovely hotel though with fabulous gardens and it’s a very nice town with the best botanics we have ever visited. Also visited La Laguna (ex-capital of the island). Nothing great, but ok with a very nice house/museum). We had great weather, but more cloud than we like - still lovely and warm though.

August is next, and we’re all booked 19-26^th around our 51^st wedding anniversary, for Macedonia - a place called Ohrid, on a huge lake. A totally different part of the world for us, I’m excited to discover it. I will update this page once we’ve been. UPDATE... nice little town on a lovely lake with great little beaches all along the lakeside. Our hotel was 15 minutes in a taxi from town (also on the lakeside but not as nice) so would definitely recommend being IN town), but otherwise a lovely wee place. A week long enough to cover everything including boat trips around. Food wasn't great to be honest, but lots of nice enough bars and restos.

September, me and the girls are all booked for Croatia - Cavtat, for a four-day weekend together. Just we three for once, hopefully to be repeated. L&E and I all arrived in NL on 28^th September 1979 so it is to celebrate that, plus my 70^th, together (although that’s not until December) as J and I will be away then, and E won’t be in NL either. We’ve a lovely apartment with hot tub, and tourist cards paid for already, plus a lovely restaurant booked before we fly home. Should be lovely, will update.

October we're off to the island of Ischia next to Capri!  Will update.

November, I have vague plans to go back to Scotland, Larkhall, for F’s 13^th b’day. We’ll see.

December, we’re off to El Arenal on Mallorca, Spain for 10 days around my 70th birthday - update to come.

Then it’s a boring and cold six weeks or so before we head to Albufeira again for 3 months in 2025 (January being skipped for travel entirely). And the circle is round 😊

 

A Tip for Deafies at Christmas

Christmas eh? The time of year when it’s all things chocolate and cakes and goodies and… we all know. It’s also the time of year when all the shops seem to play a constant jingle jangle of inane tunes, on a loop, designed to send their own staff bonkers. They must all go home in the evening, totally brain-dead. Even the streets are full of it sometimes. Drives me postal.

I’m not all Grumy Grammy, not really. I like a wee Santa with the best of them. I wave to the elves as I pass if I see them. I’m just happy to even see them nowadays as they were never here in the Netherlands before!

I have a secret though. One that helps me get through the weeks of Sinterklaas and his (lately) soot-covered helpers, and mind-numbing muzak that leads up to even worse around Christmas with things the Dutch just don’t do terribly well. Partly because they’re not interested in Santa Claus and it’s all just commercial anyway. This trick is one I can highly recommend to any CI wearer, but even I know it puts me right on the naughty list.

I turn off my CI and my hearing aid.

I do! I enjoy perfect peace as I stumble through the crowds, laden with too much food (a lot of it sugar for making inedible sweets!) and probably more unwanted gifts (although I’ve cut down on that). I switch on again temporarily to briefly converse with check-out ladies, or anyone I might ask something, but otherwise… bliss. If I walk past you in the street with a slight smile on my face, I’m not enjoying the ‘ambiance’ (there is none), I’m enjoying the peace and quiet. It’s a secret because no one knows. How would they?

Back home, or actually, as soon as I’m off the bus and heading to my own door, I’m all switched on. I love hearing what my CI has brought back to me! I hear the geese flying overhead. I hear ducks on the canal. I hear a bike behind me! I hear a shout as a neighbour waves… All things I can’t do if I’m switched off and definitely couldn’t do before I got my implant.

At home I hear my own music - or more accurately, music he puts on as I generally forget, but it’s stuff we like and not eardrum-bursting nonsense with a lot of bells or old pop songs vaguely to do with Christmas (Slade?! Cliff?!) and no Christmas Carols either to be honest. And no Bing Crosby. We play our own humbug!

I’ll hear the boys squeal at their ‘zak van Sinterklaas’ on the 5^th of December (it will never work for me!) and I’ll hear them laughing *from the other room* when they’re trying their new games. They’re big now so we don’t sing ‘Sinterklaas liedjes’ any more. We did all that when they were small and I heard it then. It was lovely because I’d thought I never would.

I’ll hear glasses clink and, maybe even hear, without trouble, a couple of silly Sinterklaas rhymes (seriously, it’ll never work for me). I’ll hear the questions from the kitchen like ‘want a cuppa?’ without it having to be repeated. I’ll hear the conversations at the table. I’ll hear responses and I’ll answer appropriately… mostly.

When Christmas comes, I’ll hear the oven beep when the timer goes to tell me my turkey is done. I’;; hear things bubbling in pans and sizzling on a hotplate. I hear the plates rattling into or out of the dishwasher (I honestly never knew that could be quite so loud). I can comfortably hear my TV showing whichever mind-numbing nonsense I inflict upon myself over this whole period (see, not entirely Grumpy Grammy - I do indulge). It used to be hard to follow stuff - not any more.

When it’s New Year’s Eve, I’ll actually hear the cork pop on our bottle of champers. I never knew the fireworks were as loud as they are but Grumpy Grammy has always disliked them - they’re just ten times louder now. How do hearing people suffer that?! No wonder the dog used to protest. I can hear the swishy and fizzy, sparkly ones now too though - and from a distance, I like those. I’m not crazy about the bangs and veritable bombs that go off, but I do listen. I don’t switch off for those, as I’m in company, but it lasts way too long. To be honest, I probably would switch off if I was alone.

So my secret is out. It’s a great little treat actually. Rather ironic that after years of not hearing well (or at all) to have the choice now of muting things when required (or just wanted). I know it’s ‘bad’ because it rather defeats the purpose of regaining hearing, but all of you out there with perfect hearing, you use headphones to listen to things you want to and not be subjected to things you don’t. I think? So this is ‘our’ equally useful trick to save our brains from overload.

I hear great at very, very loud, rock concerts, so it’s not noise so much as *unwanted* noise. I also discovered that it’s a great way not to have to hear (or react to) anything when you’re being moaned at. Win win!

Mostly just muzak though J

Being a HearPeer

I had an interesting day at the Med-El Care Center (sic) in Utrecht last week with other HearPeers. I'm a HearPeer don't you know - an 'experienced user' of a cochlear implant who likes to speak about it, promote my processor, and generally answer questions anyone currently a candidate for a CI, or any interested party really, might have.

The morning was a bit of a workshop, info exchange, and to meet three newly recruited HearPeers. We've been just three of us in NL (the group is otherwise global) for a while now so it's great to now have another three. We have each walked different paths to getting a CI, have been a recipient for varying lengths of time, and are in varying age groups too. One has always been deaf, another is sudden deaf... all kinds. One girl even has a different type of implant, equally important to speak about when information is requested.

It's all voluntary and takes not a lot of anyone's time, to be honest. We answer emails mostly, not all too frequently and we attend information afternoons, either via group video calls or, like today, at the Care Center (grrr) in person. I was pleased indeed to hear that one of the new HearPeers was greatly encouraged by my answers to her emails and it was partly why she's happy to also now be a HearPeer. So it does really work, having contact with anyone that might have concerns.

Here's a link to where we can be found...  HearPeers Nederland

You can change the language, top left on the page by the little flag.

The Care Center (I do so hate the spelling but can't change it ;) ) is great for all things technical and hands on, but they themselves say, with no actual experience of how it all goes... the prior talks about getting one, the operation, the healing, the switching on... they're happy that we all are prepared to answer those kind of questions for them. They try and match us up, depending on the questions asked - if it's a younger person, they'd probably pass them on to one of the younger ones, for instance - just to be able to relate better. If it's something about music enjoyment with a CI, one of us is particularly experienced in that quarter.

We could do with some men in the 'team' though. Not sure why it is mostly women - abroad too, although of course there are some guys involved - just not here in NL yet.

I gave a short rundown on my trip to Innsbruck as that kind of 'perk' might happen to one of them too at some point. They also showed the films made there (blush - they are so brilliant though, I do love them) and it was hilarious seeing them again after explaining how insane it was to be treated like film royalty. Here's the blog I did on it all earlier, including the finished ads... Innsbruck for Med-El

We all ate lunch together in a Greek restaurant nearby. It was delicious and so nice to get to know everybody a little better.

The afternoon was interesting too. Care Center (saying nowt) staff, myself, two of the three new HearPeers and three more users plus a partner, just all come together for coffee and cake and anything interesting that might occur. I'd have liked to have seen more users attend as it is always great to be 'in company', but three is ok too. There are loads more Med-El recipients out there though, so we maybe just need to reach more, somehow.

We all introduced ourselves nicely - I'm getting used to standing up the front to do this! - and as usual, every story is totally different. Never fails to amaze me. It's not like, a broken leg, ow-ow, stuck in plaster, crutches for a while, better...same every time, more or less. Not even remotely. The variety of it all is quite astounding. How gone deaf? How long before hearing aids? Whether or not to get a CI and how treated at each centre? (all different, still!) How things went? How they are now? What do they expect? Which accessories do they use? Different success rates at all levels, every step of the way. It's mind-boggling really and should definitely be taken into account by the audiological centres. I don't think they do, is my point.

The biggest problem seems (to me) a lack of coordination between the major teaching hospitals with audiological centres in NL which actually perform the operation. There are definitely areas that are entirely similar and 'to be expected' for everyone, everywhere, but still you are left to discover it all on your own. I've had my CI for almost ten years now and noticed the difference between centres early on. Mine (Utrecht) appeared to be the better one and they still have 'room for improvement'. It's strange to hear (from someone implanted in 2022) that they too miss(ed) information that could have been handy to them. The hospitals are busy, we all know this, but they seem to be missing a huge beat here. You can't, for instance, just mention *in the passing* that you need to get vaccinated for meningitis! It's a kind of important step, no?

One aspect of the afternoon (while munching apple tart) was to write up questions on sticky notes and we all laughed at my writing being the one Ren couldn't decipher. Hardihar. Must do better on that score! :) It was also funny to watch each sticky note come unstuck from the board and flutter down to the floor, one after the other as he was deciphering them. I don't even really know what I wrote or asked any more, (didn't take notes, should have) but it was very interesting, I know that much. The consensus was certainly that there are a good few points that candidates and newly implanteds need to know about before, during and early on after their implant (as above, re vaccination). I might work on that one actually. I should. I will.

All in all, a successful day, to be repeated (again) for sure, and great to have expanded the number of HearPeers. Well done to Care Center (arghgh!) Utrecht staff on that one. It was a long day, having left the house before eight and only getting home at around seven, but we were well catered for as usual, so no complaints here.

Travels with Jimmy

The year 2023 has been a big one for us so I’m listing things here, knowing I’ll bloody forget otherwise.

Why is it a ‘big one’? Well, because James turning 70 and our Golden Wedding Anniversary both happened in August. Last year, we did rather a lot of travelling around so we thought we’d try and top that, just to make a proper celebration of it all.

January was boring… haha, we never went abroad at all.

February neither, but we certainly celebrated paying off the house. Waheey, no more mortgage to pay.

March, we were in Edinburgh, Scotland, together for Ronnie’s funeral, so that was less fun, but as usual with funerals, you meet people you haven’t seen in a long time. Somewhat of a consolation.

April, things really took off. We went to Rhodes, Greece, for a week to an ‘All-inclusive’ resort in Ixia… was fabulous. We stayed on the resort the whole time and stuffed our faces at the lovely restaurants three times a day... it was ridiculous. The weather was decent and we had our own (freezing!) pool with the suite. Drinks were included in our package so we rather indulged. I basically don’t drink, usually - the odd wine, maybe two. This place had me working my way through the cocktail menu. Hey, it was paid for! The evening entertainment was usually a laugh so we were well entertained. It was a great rest from our usual marching all over the place. We didn't even go into Rhodes as have been before anyway.

Four days after returning, I was off again to Larkhall, Scotland, as that had been booked for a long time and I hadn’t seen the boys in March, knowing I was coming back soon. Met up with an old school pal too, which was great, and also an American friend visiting Edinburgh.

Mid May, I went to Innsbruck, Austria, all-expenses-paid for three nights, four days, by Med-El. So interesting! Met lots of lovely folks from all corners of the globe with CIs, and filmed and recorded for Med-El ads. Great fun. James joined me on my last day and we then stayed another four nights to take in more of Innsbruck, which isn’t big, but nice to see. The mountains were incredible.

We were only back from there for two nights before flying off to Tenerife, The Canary Isles, for ten days. This had been totally out of the blue until I prised it out of him as I knew he was up to something. We were going there to join Les’ and Aymer, how exciting - but they didn’t know anything about it either. So that was great fun. Our hotel was beautiful and so was theirs so we’d meet up every other day and most nights. We visited two other towns on the island too. Quite impressed with the town we were in but man, it’s a long flight to get there. We honestly hadn’t realised how far away it is - duh! They left one day before we did. It was so great to spend decent time with them again.

June, we were home practically the whole month, then on the 29^th we flew to Marseille, France for five nights, actually staying in Aix en Provence - a lovely, lovely place, chocka with places to eat and drink - until the 4^th of July. We were booked to visit the lavender fields as we’ve wanted to do that for years. It was absolutely as lovely as we imagined and we’re glad we did it, made some nice friends along the way too. We also had a day trip to Nimes, which was smashing, and on our last day we took a proper look at Marseille again before catching our flight back to NL. Lots of changes there, all for the better by the looks. Great town.

Middle of that month, Em’, T and the boys came to us for five nights before heading off on their InterRail adventure.

We didn’t travel far for his 70^th, but we did stay away overnight somewhere fabulous, actually here in Almere, called Life Contains Beautiful Things - I know, daft name, but really nice. Only three cabins, around a ‘wild’ swimming pool, in the middle of a vineyard… in Almere! Knowing that he was ‘surprising’ me with a long trip for our anniversary, I surprised him with this. Lis', Tim and the boys, plus Grada and Remy, surprised him some more by joining us for dinner after his oyster treat with Prosecco at the sauna in the garden. He knew nothing until it all happened and it was great fun. I overindulged and spent half the night on the bathroom floor, to my shame. Still worth it.

Then, 23^rd August, until 25^th September, we were in Madrid (and Toledo), Jerez, Cadiz, Vejer de la Frontera, Estepona, Ronda, Antequera, Granada, Murcia (and Cartagena), Albacete (and Cuenca) in SPAIN. Thirteen places in all, 3 as day trips. On our actual Golden Wedding Day in Madrid, the girls surprised us with the delivery of an engraved bottle of champagne. Tears all round!

James surpassed himself in all the bookings he’d done on AirBnB. Everywhere was great! Some were terrific, some less so, but all really good, clean, modern, and central to everywhere we went. We travelled by bus and by (HS) train, mostly managing well - barring the odd cock-up. We travel fairly light with only a carry-on wheelie bag each, plus small rucksacks, and then an extra bag, for extras like dirty washing. Never a problem, but I did obsess slightly, counting them every time in my head.

We saw so much, DID so much, walked loads (something like 450 Km over almost five weeks and averaging 15 Km per day!), ate an enormous amount (mostly tapas), didn’t cook one meal, and drank lots of alcohol too (even me). We had a ball, in fantastic weather the whole time. Never met one person who wasn’t nice, helpful, and kind, plus several who went out of their way to help us. I’ve written a whole journal of this elsewhere so won’t elaborate here.

Mid-October, I’m back over to Larkhall, Scotland and we will go to Glenshee overnight for the Enchanted Forest in Pitlochry.

November, will be hard, as going nowhere at all, haha, but December, J’s taking me to Nice, France for my birthday and we have plans to take day trips all around there. Menton for sure, perhaps Antibes, and just might make it to Ventimiglia in Italy as that's not too far.

So, I think we even surpassed 2022. Now wondering what 2024 will bring because we have, once again, been smitten with Spain and still fancy Italy… or yet the South of France, to just go and stay for longer. It will also be my 70^th birthday - hint, hint. Lots of logistics and practicalities to be ironed out first, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Time will tell. There’s no hurry. So, bring it on.

Sick

I’m sick. As sick as you get without being like… sick.

It’s confusing, because, how fuckin sick must you be to be actually, seriously sick? I never want to find out!

I don’t even have a fever - no high temperature according to my trusty thermometer, despite deploying it as I lie here ‘sweating carrots’, as the Dutch say (doesn’t translate well, but I love it). Maybe that's an indication that my metabolism works? Like, you sweat to cool you down, eh?

There are some among us who consider my languishing about and coughing my lungs out at regular intervals as mere ‘attention seeking’. I can only disagree. I really do not want this and the only one otherwise affected is the one specifically, deliberately, not giving me attention so… makes no sense and will ignore in turn.

It’s not even the bad Covid-19! How fuckin bad must it be that you need put on a ventilator and into an induced coma? I have been so miserable, so out of breath, feeling sooo bloody sick… while all the while aware, it’s ‘just a bad cold and a cough’. I have been terrified of getting Corona like that - pretty sure I'd be bad with that. We go for our next vaccination shortly… if they will allow me.

I know my lungs are fine - at my worst, the doc never hears a thing on them (this is a regular thing!), thank goodness. It’s just, when you feel like your eyeballs were about to explode at every cough in that last bout (flashing lights, the lot!), and your head is pounding, your eyes are practically stuck shut, your throat and chest burns, your nose is basically no longer an airway, and your stomach muscles ache from all the coughing… well, it’s hard to keep up the ‘nothing wrong with me’ story, or feel sorry for those around you afflicted with your noise. I’m not speaking about the neighbours either, whom I’m sure must also be about demented, listening to me all night.

As solicitous and helpful as ‘some’ can be under normal circumstances, they are the absolute worst any time I’m ‘sick’. I’d as well be on another planet… hah, they wish! I try, every time, to zap this ‘thing’ as soon as it starts up, I do, but nothing seems to help, and it always lasts so long! I know of no one who has this ‘sick, not sick’ shite and no, I do not prolong it myself. Why would I? How? It started while still on holiday this time, (so I don't believe it's a 'climate' thing), in the last week, and I went to a chemist that morning already, for a throat spray, and a nose spray, etc. Praying (to no avail) that it wouldn't 'develop'. It has only got worse since, like there is just no escaping it.

I do feel decidedly wimpy at times, but I suppose it is all relative. I remember when I broke my wrist, I seriously thought (still think!) I'd rather have birthed my babies breach than go through that pain ever again (I know, chronologically this makes no sense but...). My 'threshold' isn't the highest, I know.

So anyway, got that off my chest. Now this bloody affliction! Pulease!

Filming for Med-El in Innsbruck

Just a short while ago, I was asked, as a fairly regularly functioning 'HearPeer' for Med-El if I'd be up for being filmed for a promotional video for them. In Innsbruck (their HQ), fares and accommodation covered. Well, hold me back! 

What's a HearPeer you ask? Well, as a Med-El cochlear implant recipient, I make myself available for other candidates with questions about the whole road to getting one - whatever questions they may have about it all, be it 'What the heck is it?' to 'Does the operation hurt?' and 'What does it sound like?' and anything in between. It costs me minimal time and/or effort and can be fun too. Sometimes I attend 'Teams' video conferences and every so often a 'live' meeting/coffee time in Utrecht. This blog page is not called my BLETHERS for nothing. I also feel it is nice to pay back a little for being given my hearing back!

Anyway, I've now been to the lovely Innsbruck and met loads of other CI recipients/HearPeers from almost all the continents of the world. There was Jason from Wisconsin, USA, Kylie from Perth, Australia, and Vishal from near Mumbai, India - there with his lovely son who is the CI wearer. Then Sylvia from Italy, Lynn from England with her daughter Freya who is the recipient, and little old me from Scotland, representing The Netherlands. Everyone spoke English of course, including Sylvia, and all Med-El folks (some to an astonishing degree!) Lynn even said 'Oh you're all so exotic, and here's us just from England'. Me, exotic!

What a terrific bunch of folks they were, though. I honestly feel I made lots of new friends. There was no awkwardness, everyone was just lovely - of course the oldest there was ages with my own daughters! - and while we'd all had our own path to get there, we all wore CIs and I'm not often in company with other Rondo wearers. Most seemed loads more involved with Med-El than I feel I am, but ach, they're younger and all still active and studying and generally working. 

The people from Med-El offices were astonishingly friendly and made us all feel very welcome. Our accommodation was delightful and everything was brilliantly organised. Can't thank everyone enough, they went above and beyond and had very long days with us all!

My group, with Jason and Kylie, didn't film until the Tuesday so, having arrived on the Sunday morning early, I was to have the whole Monday off. 

Innsbruck is small so, on the plane landing at 08:25 on Sunday, I was already checking into the hotel at 08:45! Room wasn't ready... oh, and I'd so hoped it might be as I was dead on my feet having left the house at 04:30 and had barely slept. Having since met people coming from much further afield, I'm embarrassed at my 'tiredness'. Still, nothing daunted, I walked the 15 minutes into town and amused myself in the odd museum or two only just opened (it was Sunday after all), until about 12:00. How good am I? I did rather wonder what I was going to do the rest of the week though. It's not a huge place! After a lovely dinner in the hotel, and meeting everyone, including the Italian film crew, I knew this was going to be a nice gig. And it really was.

Monday, we were given a tour of Med-El HQ... a huge complex of 14 separate buildings just five minutes walk from the hotel. These state-of-the-art offices, laboratories and training facilities are pretty amazing and it was just great to watch them through the glass of the 'clean rooms' putting each individual implant together, piece by piece, all by hand. Uber-interesting and very informative by an American girl... Sandra, I think. We didn't meet one person that didn't wave or smile or shake our hands the whole trip. Monday afternoon was free after a lovely lunch out together, just our group (the others were filming). We three then headed into town for 'the Golden Roof' museum which was slightly underwhelming but nice for a photo or ten. I left the other two there as I was all through it and back again before they'd finished with the first exhibit, haha. I went to the zoo, which was up the mountain a little ways, via the funicular. After walking all around there and seeing everything Alpine Zoo related (in beside the vultures included! - was pretty cool) I walked back down the mountain in the sunshine that was really trying hard to get through the clouds. No jacket and no rain, so was good, and I got some terrific views across the valley. The mountains are just stunning when they're not hidden by cloud!

I was still stuffed from lunch so held off until I'd walked all the way back into town and only had chips and a well-earned Radner (like a shandy, which was surprisingly thirst-quenching and not disgustingly beery as I'd thought it might be), before walking back to the hotel. I got changed and came down to the bar but either I'd missed everyone, or no one had come so I ended up taking my next shandy up to the room. Didn't want to be sitting at the bar on my own, looking like I was after a man or something ;).

Kylie had an early start filming in the Muziekhal in town, but Jason and I didn't need to be there until 11:30 so we met after breakfast at 10:45 and got the bus there where we joined the crew awaiting us. We needed film makeup, which was really nice to have applied even if I was scared I'd look a bit 'mouton'. Turned out I looked ok, have to say! It was fun to see Jason getting it all done too - a very novel experience for your average man - never mind me!

We joined Kylie in the music room where we two had to walk naturally across to the piano where she sat playing as they filmed us. There to lean on the piano and just look like we were enjoying her playing. There was no acting involved and I can walk, I can, but suddenly I had no idea what to do with my arms! How do I hold my head, is my stomach tucked in enough! So weird! After a few 'takes' (hysterical hearing the 'camera, camera set, ACTION!' every time), they said we were naturals haha. 

We all had a lovely lunch together in the Muziekhal restaurant where we were joined by more super-friendly Med-El staff and they all had to wait on me finishing my starter before the mains were brought! Seriously, they all go above and beyond! After lunch, they set up a 'scene' in a lounge area where Caroline (moi) was to be partaking of a cup of tea and looking out the window at the sun (it was pouring rain)... hey, maybe I was acting after all haha. The makeup girl kept straightening me up and touching up the makeup... hysterical. Then there were close-ups of my hands around my cup - so thankful my nails weren't too bad as had just had them done last Scotland trip. I hope they don't look like old lady hands! Everyone in the extensive crew was really patient and kind and cheerful. 

Jason's gig was to walk up and down the stairs looking around, which he had to do several times too. Kylie had finished her playing earlier. I left and walked about some more I think... can't really remember, but we were to meet next morning at 08:45 for voice-over recordings until about 15:00. There was a lot of waiting around but we were also entertained by a visit to the surgeon's training lab. Really very interesting. I tried on the microscope headset used to perform operations, and we were shown the new robotic surgeon that is almost as fast and more accurate than a live surgeon. Peter who showed us around could not have been more accommodating.

The recording was fun to do (if horrendous, hearing yourself talk back) and included a filmed interview of each of us individually too. I'm curious to see the end result of it all! Hilarity ensued at one point when I entered the lunch room after my interview. Everyone was already there and see here, a huge framed photo of... me! from Vienna. Coincidentally leaning on a piano too, haha. Glad I hadn't worn the same top! Joke from NL's portrait was there too, as was one portrait of Vishal's handsome little son who also wears the Rondo2, the same as me.

Then we were free until 18:30 when we'd to meet for dinner in town together. James was arriving just around the time we finished so I went back to the hotel and found him at the bar already. We settled him into the room then took a short walk along the river and back nicely in time to get changed before meeting everyone.

Dinner was in a 'traditional' restaurant, with all of us together, plus Verena (who was chief organiser of everything - great job Verena!) Alex and Marina, both of whom stood by us the whole time - kudos! Also, Leigh who took the recordings, and two others I'm sure will forgive me for forgetting their names. Each and every one of them, total stars. Actually, Lynn and Freya weren't there... their flight home to England had been cancelled and although they then stayed another night, they didn't join us as Freya was too tired. I can imagine. She got another day off school though, so there's that.

Marina then took us all to a rooftop bar, just for the views, before leaving us at the right bus stop to take us 'home' to the hotel where we all said our goodbyes (again).

James and I still had three nights in a lovely village just up the mountain (with stunning views and surroundings, once the clouds dissipated) and only 15 minutes on the bus from the station, which was only 10 minutes from the hotel (Innsbruck really is small and very walkable... when you stay on the flat). Our first day, we checked out the Med-El Audioversum (Science Museum- freely accessible as Med-el had arranged it) which was great fun too. James even inserted electrodes into a cochlea, like a pro, first time. He's hired!

We had a terrific time exploring around Aldrans, in beautiful woodland and around a couple of mountain lakes, then on another day took a bus run to other places and didn't get rained on after all. We left on Sunday morning early and were home around lunchtime on the sunniest day of them all - it has since been very warm there - and here too actually. It was strange to be so surrounded by huge, snow-topped mountains at such close proximity. Literally, all around. James didn't get much of an impression of the heights until his 3rd day there and it really is gob-smacking to realise they've been there all along, just hidden by cloud. It's a really beautiful setting. There were to be only five flights on the day we left and ours was the first one, so only one planeload of folks in the whole airport with its one shop.

Thanks again to everyone at Med-El for a lovely, interesting, and fun-filled time. The goodie bag of mini-umbrella and metal thermos flask (and HearPeer badges!) was also much appreciated. I hope to see you all again sometime. Remember I volunteered for the live patient, robot op! As well as first in line for fully implantable CI! You promised!

Photos are on Facebook on my page here: Innsbruck for Med-El

Here are the finished films that I participated in. I love them!

A Coronation Rant

Sae, Ah’ve bin hinkin. Nou, this isnae eywis a guid hing. Me hinkin kin lead tae… ither stuff! 

Ah’m nae whitisface… Aristotle, wis it? No bi a long chalk, Ah’m no tryin tae big masel up nor nuhin. I dae lik tae… gie mah heid the reins… so tae speak. Jist noo’n again mind. Sae aye, thir’s suhin been nippin mah heid, so Ah’m jist gonnae say it.

This coronation nonsense. Whit’s aat about eh?

A grown man, a multi-millionaire bi aa accounts, well, we know he is acause they aw tell us he is… getting a fancy, schmancy, historical bunnet placed ceremoniously on’s heid, an we’ve aa tae pey fir the pleasur o watchin it aa happenin. Nou, is this 2023 or no?! Ah jist cannae get mah heid roon it.

Why?… why in the name o aa thit’s sensible, are the high heid yins o Scotland no protestin… an Ah mean *officially*… about this? Ah mean, huv they loast the plot entirely? Is the NHS on its knees or no? Are thir nae loadsa folks on the poverty line an below? Is the hale country no toilin, espeshally since thon Brexit catastrophe!

There’ll be some in England no up for it either. Surely? Thir’s foodbanks in England tae! Aa naw but, ‘let’s aa eat Coronation Quiche oan the 6^th o May’ (mah fit went near through the telly at thon man haunin out recipes!). Mah daughter’s birthday tae! Making me p’d off at celebratin, in case anybody hinks ah’m cheering on Chookie! As if!

Ah read suhin the day. About hou if Charlie hid been some divorced Scouser (fir instance) insistin on… well aa he’s insistin on… o course it widnae be allowed! Marryin the bint (also divorced mind!) wi whae he continually cheated on his kids’ mither, aa throughout thir marriage! Aye, yer a great example tae the world the pair o ye! An Ah've no got anyhin bad tae sae about divorced folks per se... it's the hypocrisy o it aa! They changed the law so's she cuid become Queen... or consort or whitever backward bollix it aa is.

Nou, ah ken, it’s a history hing, ‘s mammie wis the Queen, acause o history tae… ah get it. This time though, they hud a chance tae, likesy… move oan! Make new history! Bring the bollix up tae date, why don't ye? He shoulda said ‘Ken whit, Ah’m out o here! Time tae ca’t quits’. There’da been nae complaints frae me if he hid. Or even, ‘Here’s some largesse fir aa yous, mah people’. Spread it out a bit, man!

Frae nou on, aye, sure, y're King… on ye go pal!... but huv ye no got enough money tae pey fer it aa yersel? Ah’m hinkin aye, ye dae. Make yersel properly popular! Bit naa, ‘let’s have everyone (aye aye) swear allegiance… to me, their King.’ Ye couldnae make it up! Ah’m runnin out o exclamation marks about nou.

Thir’s hunners o thousans o folks in the UK, no just Scotland but nationwide, yaisin foodbanks! Aa ye get is politicians sayin hou wunnerful it is the wey folks rally roon when folks is short. It’s acause o you lot thir short! They’ve just nae shame. It shouldnae be lik is!

I keep hopin tae see some official notice saying that it’s no Coronation Day in Scotland, acause it bloody isnae. It jist isnae. I might have missed suhin in the news. I’m no known fir constantly huddling aroon aa the news channels. Mibbes thir is mair o a protest in Scotland than ah ken. Ah’ve seen a couple o ‘calls tae protest’ mind, but it’s frae *official* quarters Ah want tae see stuff. ‘Not my King’… definitely no mines.

O course, Ah dinnae bide in Scotland, but Ah’m still Scottish… British if ye will, although still hopin for independence an a Scottish passport - dinnae start me. Nane o’t matters though, if folks is aa out waving wee butcher’s aprons about next Saturday. British telly his been full o’t aa this week as it is. Ah sae wantit tae see official comments like ‘we will not be swearing allegiance’ (acause, lets face it, it’ll be lies if they dae!) an ‘we advise all Scots to follow their own hearts’.. suhin lik aat! Yet tae hear it but. Ah live in hope.

Nou, if you’re a royalist, aat’s yer ain prerogative. As ‘is is mines. Mah wee rant means nuhin tae naeb’dy, bit ah’ve got it out mah heid, sae thir’s room fir ither shite. An ‘is is some shite, man. A King tae be crowned, costing houiver many millions o pounds frae public funds. It’s a bloody crime. It's pure theft is whit is is! S’ah’m done. Ah’ve said mah bit. Ah dinnae want nae revolution nor violence o any kind, ah jist want shot o aa ‘is royalty bollix an a bit mair accountability tae it aa. Please an hank ye yer royal majesty (tugs forelock an curtsies lik the wee princess ah’m ur).

Perhaps a strange start to the year

I have this little light. It only comes out at Christmas. It’s not especially Christmassy but it lives in amongst the ornaments up in the attic, generally, so I think of it as Christmassy. It runs on two 3A batteries and although I’ve had it for years, I’ve never yet changed them… I don’t think? It changes colour automatically, gently. I just like it. Cost buttons too.

But now he’s annoying me! I know, Christmas is over and it should be gone, but I thought, as it appears to be running down, I’ll just let it run out this year. So about the 4^th of January, thereabouts, I left him on, thinking it would be ‘empty’ overnight and I could store him away with a good conscience until next year. The on/off broke off years ago and I have to fiddle with a paperclip to even stop and start it so, saved myself that bother. Only… it’s still going! Still changing colour, still bloody working!

I can’t now put it away and I don’t want to toss it… as I said, I do rather like the stupid thing.

Now, my propensity… my penchant, if you will… to anthropomorphise inanimate objects (and animals) is fairly legendary - I hear myself saying 'he'! I well remember embarrassing J in front of his whole family watching the TV advert with an animated pea being chased by a fork, by saying aloud ‘oh, poor wee pea!’. I haven’t improved. Or perhaps, depending on how you look at things, I have! Haha. It’s handy for writing silly stories though! I’m not entirely cuckoo, it’s just I don’t easily part with things and, to be honest, some things just cry out to me. The longer they’re in my possession too, the more attached I become. They create their own level of ‘life’, if I can call it that.

There’s a (rather arbitrary, entirely invented by me) scale to it, I think? A tattie old, well-thumbed, often read, falling-to-bits book, isn’t as high on the scale as a first-child-baby-vest (for instance) but it’s up there. My own old teddy, not even hugely cuddled, to be honest (he sat on the shelf even then) beats soft toys belonging to the grandchildren, but they’re up there too. (I cannot just dump them - what will they think of me!) Magazines are on a lower scale (I don’t have the same feelings for them and don’t attribute feelings to them… phew!) but I do feel bad dumping those in good condition - and I have rather a lot of them! I wanted to get a baby-sized hot water bottle that would fit the silly little cover I have for the one that leaked, but ended up getting two entirely new ones in dangerously cute covers (with faces!) and caught myself feeling sorry for the old one, still empty. Save me!

You can now imagine how I feel about this little light! I’m giving you extra time out of the box, you pest! And now you’re messing with me? You know I hate tossing batteries that are not yet done - (witness the stash of ‘used-but-surely-still-useable?’ in the drawer) - but you’re patently not working optimally so… gonnae gie up?! Yes, on rereading this, I am aware I am addressing a piece of plastic.

I know, the men in white coats are getting ever closer, but I keep stuff at bay. Mostly. Keep all my little idiosyncrasies under wraps most days. Some days are just not worth chewing through the straps though, so I’m speaking about it today. Baring my all, so to speak. I blame this bloody light! Yes, you, ya pest!

Addendum: He lasted until the 19th of Jan. I put him out of his misery as he was definitely just gasping.