The bedroom blinds

 I feel like I’ve mentioned my bedroom blinds before. I think I have, yeah. 

Anyway, let’s talk stupid fuckin blinds.

They weren’t always stupid; they were rather snazzy. SoTA even! Concertina folded, ziggzaggy affairs, showing white from outside, dark blue from inside. Pull from top down or bottom up. Hang in the middle? Why, yes, they do! Great stuff!

Until the strings broke, way too soon to be replacing the whole thing, one after the other. First hanging lopsided, then another breaks and the wonkiness is evened out, but can no longer be lowered top to bottom. But, aha! they can still be raised, bottom to top and left hanging halfway up instead of halfway down! Sorted. No one need ever know there is a problem.

Now, some might say, ‘so have them restrung’. Yes, yes, I couldn’t agree more (I’m the one who says that so, I can only agree). ‘Others’ say, ‘they’ll do for now, look, still work’ and ‘nobody restrings blinds!’ (which is moot, to be fair - and if they don’t, why don’t they?)

To be fair too, they do still work. To a certain extent. 

Just not enough for me to ever touch the feckers because I’ve been there before and I no longer play that game. I just leave the Grand Old Duke to sort them up when they’re up and down when they’re down.

The story is… it’s me!

Small chip showing there? Plate’s fine, will last forever… until I touch the fecker. Smashes to smithers when I use it.

Book spine a bit loose? Been like that for yonks, will last forever… until I decide to read it.

Door handle jiggly? Never been a (real) problem, will last forever… until I’m left with it in my hand.

A door key only breaks *in* the lock when it’s mine… you get the picture.

So I have avoided lifting or closing the blinds. Has been years now. He has to do it, I just refuse. I will not be responsible.

Then, a week or so ago, another string broke. It was only the day before that he’d moaned ‘you could do the blinds once in a while, you know!’ and I’d reiterated the reason for my aversion to going anywhere near them. So I kind of dodged a bullet there as it was obviously the proverbial ‘accident waiting to happen’. Of course, all hell broke loose as the bloody thing just would not raise (or lower, I forget which, probably both). I hadn’t been near so it couldn’t even be ascribed to my proximity (also said at regular intervals! I almost believe my ‘aura’ is plain destructive).

Oh, how I laughed, watching him wrestle with the thing. Was hysterical. Did not make me popular at all, having genuine joy at proof positive it isn’t just me. He still had the 2^nd blind on the other window to do but it remained untouched for at least 24 hours as he fumed about being laughed at about his magic touch letting him down. I probably overplayed my hand, but it had been a while coming, so I was enjoying myself.

Somehow, he managed to get things working again (marginally, lopsidedly) and ‘we’ persevere with the raggedy things, strings flapping. I still don’t go near them and merely await the day that no amount of fixing, tying and jerking at the strings enables movement in any direction, at which time we’ll surely get the finger out and buy new ones. Finally. 

I will be enquiring about restringing first though, just so I know (I’m bloody sure you can but perhaps costs are prohibitive, I’m not completely daft) and we might go for something entirely different next time. 

Like bricking up the windows!