Sick

I’m sick. As sick as you get without being like… sick.

It’s confusing, because, how fuckin sick must you be to be actually, seriously sick? I never want to find out!

I don’t even have a fever - no high temperature according to my trusty thermometer, despite deploying it as I lie here ‘sweating carrots’, as the Dutch say (doesn’t translate well, but I love it). Maybe that's an indication that my metabolism works? Like, you sweat to cool you down, eh?

There are some among us who consider my languishing about and coughing my lungs out at regular intervals as mere ‘attention seeking’. I can only disagree. I really do not want this and the only one otherwise affected is the one specifically, deliberately, not giving me attention so… makes no sense and will ignore in turn.

It’s not even the bad Covid-19! How fuckin bad must it be that you need put on a ventilator and into an induced coma? I have been so miserable, so out of breath, feeling sooo bloody sick… while all the while aware, it’s ‘just a bad cold and a cough’. I have been terrified of getting Corona like that - pretty sure I'd be bad with that. We go for our next vaccination shortly… if they will allow me.

I know my lungs are fine - at my worst, the doc never hears a thing on them (this is a regular thing!), thank goodness. It’s just, when you feel like your eyeballs were about to explode at every cough in that last bout (flashing lights, the lot!), and your head is pounding, your eyes are practically stuck shut, your throat and chest burns, your nose is basically no longer an airway, and your stomach muscles ache from all the coughing… well, it’s hard to keep up the ‘nothing wrong with me’ story, or feel sorry for those around you afflicted with your noise. I’m not speaking about the neighbours either, whom I’m sure must also be about demented, listening to me all night.

As solicitous and helpful as ‘some’ can be under normal circumstances, they are the absolute worst any time I’m ‘sick’. I’d as well be on another planet… hah, they wish! I try, every time, to zap this ‘thing’ as soon as it starts up, I do, but nothing seems to help, and it always lasts so long! I know of no one who has this ‘sick, not sick’ shite and no, I do not prolong it myself. Why would I? How? It started while still on holiday this time, (so I don't believe it's a 'climate' thing), in the last week, and I went to a chemist that morning already, for a throat spray, and a nose spray, etc. Praying (to no avail) that it wouldn't 'develop'. It has only got worse since, like there is just no escaping it.

I do feel decidedly wimpy at times, but I suppose it is all relative. I remember when I broke my wrist, I seriously thought (still think!) I'd rather have birthed my babies breach than go through that pain ever again (I know, chronologically this makes no sense but...). My 'threshold' isn't the highest, I know.

So anyway, got that off my chest. Now this bloody affliction! Pulease!