Rant On, Rant Off

This could be construed as a rant. I realise this. A diatribe, maybe? It’s on behalf of ‘my people’ though. I can be forgiven, more so because nobody will bloody read this anyway. It’s also a moan at ‘men-who-must-not-be spoken-to-before-coffee-without-written-consent’!! It’s that kind of day. Forgive me as I forgive you for all your fuckin trespasses.

My people, I’m calling them that, because well, basically the deaf community, at the very least the Hard of Hearing community, is just that. They know the same ‘struggles’, the same irritations and annoyances that I have to put up with. I really very much like being in a crowd of deafies. Not a one who looks at like you have three eyes or something, when you don't hear them properly (which is practically a given, seeing as how we all have hearing aids etc. and not everyone can sign). And these struggles, irritations and annoyances could be way, WAY less if you - you with good-functioning ears, I’m addressing myself to you - would just fucking CHILL and THINK and ‘walk a mile in another person’s shoes’ for even a microsecond. Be more considerate of the world around you, empathise, commiserate even, just… be there for others. In this particular case, the deaf person struggling to communicate with you. You might be face-to-face, just us, or in company or on the phone with me (seldom), but I swear it’s like they’ve cloned you, and you all spread around just for me to have to deal with. Me and all the millions of others with this very same problem!

We’re a quarter of the way through the twenty-first century. We don’t lock ‘us’ up in institutions nowadays, and lots even have the nerve to NOT go to a special school. We’re all so enlightened, and we’re oh so inclusive, and there are even laws about accessibility here and there. We just need to actually do the necessary without feeling like it’s a chore! I say we… I mean YOU. If you feel spoken to, good. I am speaking to you this way because you don’t have the patience to speak to me directly. Basically, because you are thoughtless and inconsiderate and also because that makes me want to communicate with you even less.

We are a huge community: the deaf (Deaf) and HoH. Add in all the other inconveniences to your life, such as those with CP, those with missing limbs, those with any kind of lesser-abling ‘affliction’ or mobility difficulties, visible or otherwise, plus all the varied LGBTQA+XYZs around, hell, those with a different accent or skin colour - we are waaaay in the majority. Frankly, you are a hindrance and an inconvenience to US. And we’re sick of it. We’re all sick of putting up with *your* abominable behaviour(s).

At this particular moment, through the magic of this blog and my laptop and my racing fingers as I type, I’m rooting for my lot particularly, and I’m aiming this rant at all the receptionists, telephonists, front-desk workers and greeters in particular, but not exclusively. You know, you folks who actually speak to your boss’ customers and should be the most open to patience and affability and plain friendliness, because you are paid for it and it is your job. But are not. Yes, you. Plus all you doctors, shop assistants, bartenders, waiters in restaurants and assorted pests that need to be heard. This is directed at you if you recognise yourself even a little bit, so, basically, all y’all!

Do I have your attention? Nice. This already differs from when I try to speak to you. Or, better said, when I try to hear what you mumble back to me AFTER I speak to you. So then I tell you straight out, 'I’m hard of hearing', and what do you immediately do? You shout at me. Sometimes grimacing as you shout. Now, I know you can’t always be expected to know not to do this, but I refuse to believe I’m the first HoH person you’ve ever encountered, and yet, you haven’t taken note before. Shouting does not help. If any of us can hear to any degree, shouting only deforms your speech in our ears. Okay, speaking for myself, MY ears. Over the telephone is even worse. What was to start with an indecipherable squeak, becomes a headache-inducing screech. Not fun. Stop it.

I’ve rather stopped using the phone, but sometimes, needs must. Then I have to go through the charade of pretending I’m fine and ‘I can do it’, quickly followed by fury at the (surely a total) bitch on the other end with totally no patience, even when I quickly confess to not hearing well on the phone (HAH, ‘not hearing well’ being Caroline for ‘can’t make you out at all!’). It’s just all too much for you to articulate neatly, but normally, isn’t it? You can’t just bloody repeat what you just said? NOT like you’re speaking to someone recently lobotomised, but to a normal (ahem) person on the other end of the line. I know, it’s terribly annoying; believe me I KNOW. It’s why I rarely phone anyway. The end result is blood pressure spiking like I’m about to blow a gasket, and frankly a whole lot of sadness, sometimes resulting in tears, with nothing achieved and a different route being found to get the answers I was phoning about in the first place. Are you happy you made me cry? Are you?

The wait is for one of those stupid gauntlet runs of ‘press 1 for xxx, press 2 for xxx’ etc. to START with ‘press 1 for someone who will take their time, especially for you who is hard of hearing’. Seriously, something in that line would be very popular. Why can’t ‘they’ come up with it? Then you get put through to an articulate speaker with knowledge of their department and a bit of compassion for us deafies. Is it really too much to ask? It has to be possible. I’m sure it wouldn’t take much in the way of resources.

And that’s just phones. Actual f2f encounters drive me postal. I’m not a violent person, but I find myself concocting all sorts of bad ends for certain, frankly, imbeciles who have a) no social skills whatsoever, and b) no interest in their work, or what they are there for. But there they are, manning that desk to address their employer’s visitors. I’ll admit to it probably being my fault, thinking you’re mumbling. I’ll concede that others of your ilk with good working ears don’t think you’re mumbling at all, but really, do you speak to your Gran in that tone of voice? I’m not asking you to repeat something just to annoy you. That’s not why I approached your castle at all. I’m sorry to interrupt your scrolling on your phone, but you’re in that position specifically to help out such as me (as a customer, not a deafie), surely? So my daring to interrupt your quiet time and making you raise your voice to no avail is entirely to be expected, surely? Sometimes?

In saying all this, I have to tell you that with my CI I hear pretty damned well for a deafie. It’s only when confronted with such as you that has me fulminating this way. It’s not always, and sometimes it doesn’t even bother me. But then it does, just enough to upset me, especially if it’s a shitty day or, hey, I can lose my patience too, you know?

So I’m asking, in all humility and in the politest possible way you’ll ever get from me, will you folks please dial it down a bit? Crank up your patienceometer but turn the yells back down to normal noise levels. Face us. Articulate your words. Take your hands away from your mouth, and don’t look down while continuing to talk. Don’t scowl! Don’t huff and puff like you’ve been asked to do something illegal at short notice. Not just for me, for all of my fellow wonky-ear sufferers. You very often wouldn’t even know we’re deaf; it is such an invisible ‘affliction’ until you have to deal with us (despite my personal penchant for flaunting my CI’s audio processor and gussying it up with bright stickers - so there is really no missing it. Maybe you just think it’s a hairpin though; it's always possible).

My point is… We belong here, and we are not going anywhere. Deal with us as we expect to be dealt with and as you are paid to do. Again, we are in the majority! We’re fed up having to ask to be treated the same as others, with perhaps just a tickle more consideration when required. We’re not some new, niche bunch of moaners. We’re just you before you lose your hearing too. And believe me, the chance of you joining our ranks is not even that low, what with how earphones are turned up to 12 and general music venues going way over hearing safety limits whenever they can. You’ll be there before you know it. I might even see you at deaf club, but will certainly meet you in the queue at the bank, or the chemists (where they forget not to shout your prescription details aloud to everyone around!) You'll be asking for repeats, asking again, being told ‘doesn’t matter, wasn’t important’… oh, you’ll find out. I hope you never do, I really do, but I’m thinking it might well be a little bit of 'justice served' to a lot of you.

So, got that off my chest.