Nothing If Not...

I’ve always said it. I have, haven’t I?

I’ve bored you all with it, I’m sure. It’s what I tend to do. I’m aware.

I’m nothing if not consistent. I’m nothing if not a smarty-pants. I’m nothing if not critical. I’m nothing if not… fill in the blank. It doesn't even have to be relevant to what is being discussed, although I do try. I tend to throw it in there. I'm nothing if not inventive.

It’s a funny sort of… now, what is it, grammatically speaking? An epithet? An exclamation? Dunno. I think I might just stop saying it. Not promising, but because, well… I’m not nothing. Ever.

Oh, here you go… I looked it up; Google is my friend after all. I’m told:

The phrase 'nothing if not' means: decidedly, extremely, or above all else. Core meaning: Unmistakably and to a high degree. Logic: If a quality is removed, the subject loses its identity or value entirely. Origin: A classic construction seen in literature (like Shakespeare's "I am nothing if not critical") used to stress a defining feature.

So there you go. It’s a phrase. Me’n Shakespeare, eh? And despite my regular use, it transpires that I’ve misunderstood it somewhat. I wasn’t telling myself, ‘I’m nothing’; I was saying I was that only IF the other part, the subject, was wrong (which it may or may not have been). I should have realised that because I’m never wrong. Or I’m told that I tend to act like I am always right. Which is not the same at all. I’m told this often enough, and I dispute it (as you would, if you think you’re right), so… oh, it’s complicated!

I’m a shooter too. I shoot my mouth off. I always fire blanks, though (even on the rare occasion I’d actually like to maim, even kill), but they’re usually aimed incorrectly, or maybe I mean… indirectly. I'm not smart enough to really get my teeth into things with the right words... which is actually why I screw up because I will have misunderstood and yet still feel compelled to shoot. I shouldn’t be allowed out with a laptop; I can be dangerous with a keyboard. I’m nothing if not eloquent. See? There it is. But wrong again. I’m not eloquent, I’m more… long-winded? Why use five words when you can use a hundred, eh? Witness this bollix here. I sometimes regret it… sometimes.

But I generally 'aim' to please. Myself if no one else. I don’t have much of a platform (I realise that a Facebook account doesn’t carry any weight) and no clout in any shape or form. In a way, this rather fuels the ‘running off at the mouth’ sickness, because, well, who am I hurting, really? I draw the line at nastiness, even to unsuspecting idiots who could do with, at the very least, a telling off. I'm aware that ‘least said soonest mended’ and ‘if you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all’ (I’m realising only here that I use a lot of these little ‘phrases’… I’m blaming my mother), but I know I say more than others about, well, if not everything, a lot. It’s my ‘feed’, so I’ll say what I want!

I’ve caught myself back-pedalling a couple of times over the years. Been more hurtful or interfering than was the intention (honestly!), but mostly, well, I’m nothing if not an open book. I have also been guilty of blocking the odd fuckwit who p'eed me off more than usual (a Trumpette won't last long on my 'friends' list). Again, it's my feed, and I have my limits, although I'm nothing if not tolerant! 

See, it is such a useful wee phrase though! I usually just… blether. Which is, after all, the name of my Blog here. Years back, you were restricted on FB to xx characters per post. Then it changed to more or less unlimited, and the floodgates opened. I have not a few cryptic posts in there from when it was just one-liners. Has left me with (often enough) no idea what I’d tried to convey… it was an art, saying all you wanted in like, 20 words. Really not my forte. I’m nothing if not verbose.

I suspect there will be grammatical errors in this whole piece here. I was going to say ‘diatribe’, but that seems a bit harsh; it’s not that, is it? Neither is it a rant (a synonym for diatribe), which some folks even call my stories at times, and which they really are not. I have done the odd rant or two over the years; it’s true. It’s an outlet of sorts for one who mostly knows bugger all. I mostly qualify said rants with a disclaimer about not really knowing anything much about that of which I write. Because I know very little of politics and/or politicians (for instance, just in case you thought I did), or how to run countries (how could I?), how to do anything outwith (it's a word, look it up!) my very limited set of skills, which doesn’t even include knitting or baking. But my opinion is as valid as anyone else’s when I’m on my fb feed. If you don’t like what I’m saying… well, I don’t care; go to someone else's feed. I’ll try not to say it on yours. More, I cannot promise.

And grammar isn’t the be-all and end-all either. For the record, I don’t correct spelling mistakes other people make either! I’m not a pedant. Although, qualifying this, I do correct family… I’m a responsible adult. They correct me too, especially when Dutch is in the equation. That’s fine. And ‘automatic’ shite, rips my (non-self-made) knitting! Usually ‘correcting’ my UK English to American English, which has me doubting every bloody time and sends me googling to be sure. There was never any doubt before; now I have to be reassured by a computer! Very annoying. I’m convinced Americans never get confused because theirs is the default, for some reason. I feel a rant coming on. But no, not today.

I'm nothing if not... flexible.