WARNING: ADULT CONTENT, MAY OFFEND. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU MIGHT BE.

Let's talk about... bleached bumholes. Yes, let's!

Seriously, I want to know who even thought of doing such a thing. I wasn't brought up in a quilted environment where no such nasty words (my god, the words alone!) accosted my ears, but they do, really and truly, astound me. The words. In such a combination. Bleached... bumhole.

If you're in the business of porn, all strength to you and all, no judgement from me. Sure, your bumhole is on view rather more than... well, anyone... so, you, I can sort of imagine thinking, 'hey, that could do with a bit of lightening up there.' I can. (I don't want to, I'm annoyed at even the need to be writing all this!) but I can imagine you and your mates going down that road. Surely unneccessary as it remains in my book, I will allow that. 

Somehow though, there appears to be a whole business arisen from it. It's actually a THING. 'Anal bleaching'. There are products to be bought, places to go to have it done and actual people who sign up A. to have it done and B. TO DO IT (for money sure but... nope, not enough money out there!).

Of course the whole 'back, sack and crack' hair removal (for men) (hold my hair! just the actual calling it that!) has long been a thing, and 'Hollywoods' and 'Brazilians' also trickled down from the porn scene. I get it, I do. I hate it, but I get it.

This... this bleaching nonsense... I do NOT get. I refuse to think that any one of us ON THE PLANET is heading for the bus of a morning and actually says to themself 'time my bumhole got a new bleaching'. It just cannot happen. The whole scenario just will not 'compute'! And yet it patently does.

How does that conversation go?

'Put me down for an anal bleaching today, will you?' Okay, I have a ten-thirty with Karen, is that ok? Is a BS&C necessary beforehand? Yes, we can take care of that for you' (sorry Karens, I didn't start defaming your name). 'Why yes, that sounds delightful, I'll be there.'

How in the name of all that is holy did this happen? How do you train for this? WHY would you choose to? I don't know about you, dear reader, but your average bumhole, while often enough seen BY OTHERS over a lifetime, for sure, (partner(s), doctors/midwives), it's just not all that high on the agenda for viewing by owners of said bumholes. So we have to think of them in a weird contortion, mirror in hand, checking their own 'to see if it needs bleaching'. I don't want to think of this image but it's surely the only way Joe/Jill Average is going to see? How do they (did they) then know it is different to other Joes and Jills? I mean, unless 'in porn'... who the hell knows how their actual bumhole compares?! Who? Who the hell thought, 'this needs bleached'? 

No, don't tell me, I don't truly want to know and honestly doubt it is known, but how in the world did this take off? Who are you sir, madam, that thinks anyone is interested enough in your bumhole, your BUMHOLE, to make you think a bleaching will make it look... any better? Can a bumhole look better? It's a bumhole! 

Now, even I can conjure up reasons why de-hairing the whole affair could be in some ways beneficial to someone - each to his own and all that - but you cannot convince me that lightening the skin in that area will ever be other than a weird fetish thing. Fetishes are fine, no hate mail please, seriously, if you want to do weird stuff to yourself, or just plain enjoy weirdness in general, have at it. It's just... this? Really? 

Okay, I've said enough, more than enough probably. The whole idea is simply mind-boggling to me and has been spinning around my head for some reason so I had to offload here (and no, I'm not 'contemplating it really'). Gag-inducing as it all is, I'd like for someone at a 'beauty salon' to stand up and say 'I'm not doing this!' and for the 'liefhebbers' to have to at least do it themselves, with home-made potions and nothing shop-bought and no assistant faffing about around their nether regions... it's not a medical thing! I hope to never hear of the practice again, not even in the most round-about way (not even sure how I did hear about it, to be fair) and hope it totally dies a death. 

I don't think I've been toooo offensive? I can't help that it's a thing!

I think the world can do without the bleaching of bumholes. I won't be starting a petition or anything, I just felt it needed said. So I've said it. I don't want to know your opinion either way, I'm not soliciting any kind of confessions or denials. I tend not to think of bumholes in general which is part of my confusion about the whole business of it. I wouldn't have thought a bumhole's bleached or unbleached condition was high on anyone's agenda, not even a proctologist's. I'm annoyed to be proven wrong.

I'll stop now, I'm boring myself. Anyway, please don't - bleach it, I mean. I'm sure it can't be good for you and nobody cares. Nobody. Even if you are the best paid porn actor around. Nobody, anywhere, ever, thought 'now there's a...' They just never, ever did. Only you. So don't.

Disclaimer: If your bumhole bleaching business goes down the pan, please don't blame me, I merely hope to awaken your potential clients to the absurdity of it all. Be honest, you're exploiting idiots so...