Hey, Google!

J has always kept up an up-to-date household. Me, not so much, but he has always been on the ball with gadgets. We had a ‘Home PC’ since 1982 and all the upgrades since, and we were first on the block with a video player. Oh yes, we were. We’ve run the gamut of giant video cameras propped on the shoulder, all the way down to dinky things that made us laugh that we ever toted the camera bags around on holiday in ‘the old days’. Now it's all on the phone of course, although I like my wee point and shoot, digital camera. We had the best stereo players (still have our fandabidosy Sony one from the ‘70s although it’s up in the loft). Then the stereo towers got smaller and smaller until we ended with a wall-hung B&O model that I still very much like. I’m not in a hurry to change my giant, deep-backed B&O television as I know and like the interface it uses, but he has the flat screen in 'his room', where he keeps all his DAT tapes and player, plus ancient LPs and CDs and all he needs to still listen to them (and all 'his' books despite the e-reader he has).  

He took a while to get into mobile phones, but is now hooked of course, and knows how to do stuff with them that I can only imagine. I do like that we can turn on lights while we’re away, or have the central heating turn on for us coming home, from the train. All via the phone.

The latest doodad makes us all very ‘Space Odyssey..y'. Took a while to see the use in the thing, and it’s not completely ‘SMART’ compatible (so for instance, doesn’t close the curtains remotely - leaving aside the fact we don’t have any) but it is quite the handy thing for asking questions you want the answer to, and of course, listening to music! Who needs a stereo of any description, or CDs (or LPs for that matter) nowadays?

However, the hilarity of getting it to actually do what you want is, alone, almost worth the price. We’re not quite speaking with HAL yet, and to be honest, I rarely approach the thing at all, but when you get it right, it is good. It’s just that, we don’t always get it right. This is an example of how it goes.

J: Google, please play xx by xx (no reaction, you have to say Hey Google).

J: Ffs (only, not as an acronym)… Hey Google, please play xx by xx.

G: Sure, playing abc by xyz on Spotify.

J: No, not abc, I said xx by xx! (music by total unknown plays on as you have to say Hey Google, stop, first).

J: Google stop. (music plays on… I interject with ‘say hey!’)

J: Hey Google, (schnagglefaggleskwatchsplutter) play xx by xx ffs (music plays on, he’s still not said ‘hey google, stop’ first).

J: (speaking loud and articulate, like 2 inches from the thing) Google, play xx by xx (music plays on).

J. Arghgh! Hey Google, stop! Hey Google, will you please just bloody play xx by xx. Any time you like!

G: Sure, playing xx by xx on a Spotify playlist.

J: Thank you. At last! (no reaction, because of course you have to say…)

J: Hey Google, volume down please (no response because ‘it’ (she?) can’t hear him and we’re bouncing off the walls!

J. (back to 2 inches away) Hey Google, lower the volume please (volume lowers).

So we’re ten minutes further and we finally can listen to whoever it is he has requested. And then it stops after one number because he didn’t ask for the album, and it just played one track. 

It’s smashing like, great sound (I do hear it with my CI and HA on), but I can’t help thinking we need some kind of improvement to the voice recognition.

When the boys are over, it’s a constant ‘hey Google…’ with them asking it questions as well as playing daft Dutch stuff), which is great fun but ‘she’ doesn’t always understand Dutch as is tuned to UK English and IF they use English they have a dutch accent (and a Scottish accent throws things out of kilter too). And that’s another thing! I don’t like this beatch in her English accent, saying ‘sure’ to me all the time!! ‘Shoa, hee’s xx by xx …’ Grrrr.

All this is not even exaggerated. Well, maybe a bit… but not a lot. Still, he got one for upstairs, ‘for when the boys are over’ and a rival one for in his room.

We now also have another one of the things (the rival version, called Echo) that he listens to before falling asleep in bed. Which I don’t even know is on (deaf). That one also replaces our radio alarm, which I never hear anyway and tend to wake up before it goes off, which is good, because when I don't, I barely hear it but it has him almost hitting the ceiling when it turns on, so loud. I only know that Echo is doing anything at all, from a wee light that whirls around, and I know to just say Echo stop, to shut it down. All mod cons, me!

I like it, I do, and with four of the feckers in the house, we are still up there with the Jones’ I’m sure, but I think I like my ‘retro’ record player better and will stick to that when doing the ironing. The wait is now on the 'rivals' rising up in the battle of the robots and taking over this asylum, so I'm keeping them on-side for now.