Rant

A rant you say? It’s a rant you’re wanting? You want to know if I can rant? Or how? I’ll give you rant!

I’m a champion ranter. I’ve got a PhD in ranting. I’m a fully qualified, graduated, CEO of Rant & Co. Rants R Us. The Rant Shop. Rant & Son. Rant Bros. Author of The Wee Book of Rants. Don’t talk to me about ranting.

Moans are big on the agenda too, but rants take the medal I’d say. Definitely. Gold Medal rants are where it’s at in this house. Often enough aimed AT me, plenty do go back the other way. Rant Central here boy! Why bother to ask nicely when a rant will do it quicker, more… enjoyably? You’re going to be a pain about xx, you’re going to get a rant from moi. You know it, I know it.

While I could really be doing with conserving the energy, the vocal chords if nothing else, there are few subjects which do not elicit a decent rant around here. Washing? Not sorted well enough, not clean enough, not ironed yet, not put away yet… the list is long for washing, practically inexhaustible rant material. Cooking, cleaning, spending (oh, spending’s a good one, good for lots of swearies thrown in too), TV (ouch), dishwasher, the garden, the door handles in this stupid feckin house, DIY in general, beds needing changed, doors left open, lights left on. Snoring, taps left running (by me, but intro to other environment type subjects which make for interesting rants, up to and including the bins), heating, kids (in general and specific), holidays (incl. those not happening but paid for, so back to money again)… (online) shopping (leading to computers, which are ALWAYS rantable), time spent on Facebook versus time watching bollix…

Any subject can descend (ascend?) into a rant of some kind if you allow it. Some easier than others of course. Some less enjoyable, with dubious outcomes… Is there any satisfaction had via this particular rant? Did I even get my point across? Is there some sort of outcome to it all? Often enough the rant is literally, more of a rave, stuffed with inaccuracies and total nonsense accompanied by foaming mouth and googly eyes and a raw throat, from the growling. Basically not your healthiest (mental)health vent.

I am the champ, it’s true, but I’m hanging up the laurels. Soon. Will try and keep it to genuine rant-worthy causes. So here endeth this rant, of sorts. Until the next one is goaded into existence.